i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
