Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
