Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
