That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
