im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i now understand why vodka
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize