Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
