so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
