I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
