If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
love makes seman taste better
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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