i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
