She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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