can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize