Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have tasted many bathrooms
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
