i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
