So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize