I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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