I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
