I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
