When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
