I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
