I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
