No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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