Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
