Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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