Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
