I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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