dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
