I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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