3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
