READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Alive.
So much puke
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
