when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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