Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
