apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
