I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
