How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
