Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
