he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize