Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
