My first STD was from a foam party
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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