feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
