how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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