woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize