I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
