They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
