Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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