i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
