did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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