Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
