Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
