Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
