my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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