She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
