id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
