I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
