You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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