You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
