Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pants are for mortals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
