he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
