I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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