last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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