I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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