you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
