Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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