I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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