i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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