i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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