do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
