Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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