i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
