Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
